2000-08-06 - 01:55:26

saturday evening in andy's room. Fan blowing. Me struggling to maintain concentration, a beautiful summer evening and it is passing me by. This is my first entry at diaryland.

what will I make of this site, you ask? A forum for expressing random thoughts froma a day, observations, telling a story, true or untrue. and all tha jazz.

today I saw an old lady dragging her son by the feet through the streets of uptown. untrue. today i tried to go to a booksale, but it rained, so I went home and watched movies with some friends and indulged myself once again. true.

I've been going a bit overboard on indulgence. I need more discipline. Or more direction. time to stop thinking about the things i should do. the time to consider has come and gone. either I'm dong it or i'm not. Doing what? this is the problem. perhaps just a simple act of trying to make goals happen. but I'll have to come up with some goals first. and here i am talking again.

today it occured to me that I don't have enough empathy. See, i've been trying out improv in this group with my friends, and was thinking about my inability to treally feel like I'm inhabiting another character. And i realized that it's because i don't empathize. and perhaps that limits my abilities as a writer. maybe I do things like journalism, where the whole goal is to see life from someone else's point of view, to try to compensate for m inability to do so in real life. maybe i'm trying to convert myself to a compassionate viewpoint.

i can usually fake it, to all you friends out there who think, oh, you, being modest again, and I'll probably let you think that, but it is true. But the end product is the same, and it doesn't make me do bad things, so perhaps i souldn't worry. existentialism wins the day.

y'all come back now, y'hear?

dave

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