2001-10-01 - 6:58 p.m.

And of course a very belated birthday to Cindy, a crazy awesome 25-year-old who has recently embarked on a new Midwest adventure. Get down here pronto buddy! there's a baby down here who's changing by the day and giving her parents a run for their money! quick while the autumn skyscrapers are in bloom.

hahaist, what, you got the boot? well my job ends thursday, you don't need no job, come on travel the world or something.

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We�re grasping at straws. We�re looking for something to take us off this path, take us out of our lives, let us leave all this behind and ride off into the sunset.

I�ve been sick of driving Marius for a while now. It was never worth the money, and the adventures have become less adventurous and more like him bossing me around or telling me to wait in the car. He calls me and I don�t call back for days, no matter if I have some very important papers in the car. So many hours have been passed, so many words written, so many failed efforts, and have I gotten anywhere? I don�t want to abandon driving Marius completely yet; maybe that great moment is just around the corner. Maybe one night I�ll be out here and I�ll go to a party and I�ll meet the girl of my dreams, or maybe one day I�ll learn how to live with myself, learn how to love myself and other people. But I can�t go on like this. It�s just not worth it.

And Marius, he can�t go on like he is, either. It�s not going anywhere, life isn�t going anywhere. He has to keep running faster and faster just to stay in place. For a long time he�s been looking for an out, for that escape hatch that will send him out into a new more promising world, but there are so many false starts. The video business is over, he can see it now, and he�s not sure the ticket business will work either. He�s known so many women, had so many flings, and what have they come to? He needs a girlfriend, someone like that girl he left in Milwaukee, who can give him a sense of purpose, steer him from his gambling addictions and give him a future.

But while we�re out on the town, we might as well keep trying. We�ll forget about the perfect moment, leave that aside, and concentrate on the perfect woman. So we head to Stella�s, the place where all the Wicker Park partiers seem to cram into after three a.m. when all the other bars are closed for the night.

I keep my expectations low. If I talk to anyone in this bar, if I do anything but stick out like a sore thumb, it�s a victory. I squeeze my way between people, make it look like I�m headed somewhere, keeping my eyes peeled for opportunities to do something.

These things happen in fits and starts. One girl looks at me from the bar and says hello. We chat for a moment, but a minute later she�s talking to someone else. Maybe she�s not my type. I move on.

I squeeze closer to the front of the bar and sit. Another girl is sitting near me with a drink. I offer to buy her a drink.

�I already have one,� she says. Of course. But then she adds, �But if I didn�t, I would say yes.�

Me: Okay, now, David, that�s good. Now say something else. Wouldn�t it be great to have a conversation with a stranger?

Me: Come on. I just said something to somebody. Isn�t that enough? It�s better then nothing, isn�t it?

Me: Yes. It�s great. Good job. You�re a good, valuable person and I love you. But wouldn�t it be even better to have a conversation with this person?

Me: Okay, okay. But if she laughs at me or something, it�s your fault.

�I don�t know quite what to do with myself here,� I say.

�Who�re you here with?� she asks me.

�Well, I�m with this guy who sells videos��

�Oh, you mean Marius? Yeah, I know him,� she says.

I learn that she works at a bar nearby. I ask her about working at a bar � I�ll be looking for a new job soon, maybe I�ll want to be a bartender. She says something, it doesn�t matter what. The point is that she�s talking to me. Take note of this, gentle reader. I have initiated a conversation with a girl I did not know five minutes ago. There is no trick up my sleeve; she has not been planted here for the sake of this story. She does not laugh at me or put her cigarette out on my hand. I guess it�s just the law of averages � go to enough bars and occasionally an opportunity will hit you on the head, and you will take it up. At this rate, I�ll be dating within the next decade.

Marius, of course, interrupts my conversation. He was talking to a girl in another part of the bar, but she�s since disappeared. Now he wants to go, and as my will to continue this conversation has wavered as words trail off, I get up to go.

Marius looks drunk, but I�m sure he�s not. Maybe he looks desperate. He looks over at me from the passenger seat in earnest, his hair hanging over his eyes.

That girl missed her chance, he tells me. I told her that I wanted her to me my girlfriend, I told her I thought we�d make a great couple. And she said she was into it. First she asked me why I thought so, and I told her that we get along great, we�d be great together, I�m sure we would. I gave her a chance and she missed it. She said she had to go to the bathroom and then she disappeared.

You know, I was ready to have a girlfriend. I�ve had so many girls, man. But ever since that girl Kelly left me up in Milwaukee, I�ve been careful, man. You don�t want to get too caught up in them, man, they�ll take you or a ride. But I was ready, man, I was ready to have a girlfriend, I gave her a perfect chance, and she runs out the back door on me. Just goes to show you�

�Hey, man, don�t worry about it. You�re right. It�s her loss, man. If she doesn�t want to go out with you, she�s not worth your energy, man,� I say.

�I know, I know,� he says.

But it�s not that easy. You put your chips on the table and get burned, and it hurts. It makes you want to throw up your hands, it makes you not want to take any more chances.

We just have to accept it and move on. We�ve got to believe that tomorrow will come, that more chances await us. Let�s go home, Marius. It�s been a long day.

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